Cat Olympics

I wake early. Well, early on my timetable. I was shaving this morning in our en-suite; it was dark, I was tired. I knew the cats were up to something from the sounds they were making outside the door; I assumed they'd found another animal friend of the rodent variety.

Nope, they'd invented a new game: Wake my wife.

Wake my wife is a detailed game; it involves three cats. If you don't have three, try asking a neighbor or two. The basically rules of wake my wife can be seen below:



As you can see, like all good games, we have an umpire; Cat C in this case. Cats A and B compete in a detailed marshal arts boxing game, of which the rules are still unclear to me. Periodically (I personally believe when an ippon score is achieved, although waza-ari might be sufficient) cats A and B are required to exchange places; movement into Zone 2 however can optionally involve inter-chair-leg combat.

The game is completed when my wife (in bed) is woken.

In situations of a tie (which I think are common) we move into phase-two. Phase-two involves bag chess; it's an advanced game only to be handled by the most experienced of cats.

Bag chess requires a posh shopping or trade-show bag with a heavy string handle. Cats A and B continue their match with the objective of the loser cat being forced into the bag. This is done by one of the cats being tricked to enter through the other cat attacking the string handle.

Follow ups include curtain attack, bed jump and the traditional gladiator event of slaughtering live animals.

The Cat Olympics run for a period of seven years.